Like thousands of people all over the world and right through history I pull out my hair, but unlike most people, I think it's OK.

I've been pulling out my hair now for 10 years. For the first 6 years I did my best to hide it from the world and was pretty sucessfull, although it meant living every minute worrying that people would notice and avoiding it. I thought I was the only person in the world who did this and battled with myself everyday, not knowing why I couldn't stop myself.

One evening I googled it. Trichotillamania! It has a name! other people do it, and always have! I'm not on my own!

After hiding it for 6 years I finally thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel!

I started telling people. I told my mum. She said she knew all along, never really thought much of it though, she figured, as I'd never talked about it I also didn't think much of it.

So maybe it's not a big deal!

I told my boyfriend of 6 months. He didn't understand. It was a big deal for him and I wasn't strong enough to deal with a negative response. I fell apart for a few months, didn't go out, started failing my uni exams and my hairpulling got worse.

Slowly, after uni finished I broke up with my boyfriend and started getting my life together. I got a job, new housemates and finally, met a man that understood me. I started CBT to see if it would help. I kept my hairpulling hidden from him for a few months until I had to say what my appointments were for. I was terrified but felt I had to tell him my dark secret. a cool, calm 'OK' was his response. no big deal. It didn't change anything, he was just happy that I felt I could talk to him about these things.

His acceptance has helped me accept it myself. The CBT didn't really help much although it was nice to be able to talk openly about it and helped me feel a bit more confident opening up to people about it. I spent hours and hours analysing why, when and where I do it and realised that it's in 2 extremes of being over- and under-stimulated. It's worst when I'm really bored or wound up. So rather than continuing the fruitless battle against hairpulling, I started to try to mould my life to avoid these times.

Most importantly, I stopped beating myself up about it. The worst thing about hair-pulling was the shame and self-hatred, so with that gone, me and the hair-pulling are managing to live side-by-side with minimum stress, and now the negativity is gone I can see the positive things that come from it too.

During my battle coming to terms with hair-pulling, I searched for support all over, and nowhere could I find anything positive that really helped. All the books I read told me to take drugs and pay professionals to talk me out of pulling. Nowhere was the focus to make me feel bettter.

So I want to write a blog to speak to people about the other options. I believe that hair-pulling isn't necessarily a problem, but rather, the pressure from society to be beautiful is a problem, and if you can shake off that pressure, or put it in perspective, then maybe you will see some good come from it.

There have been many people and ideas that have helped me along the way and it's these that I'll add to my blog as I go. So if you pull your hair, or know someone who does, I hope that you can take something positive from this!

Til next time :-)

Most people pull their hair so why are so few labelled 'Hair-pullers'?

It is now firmly embedded in our culture for people to regularly remove their hair.

Athletes, both male and female, pull out their hair in the name of sport and competition.
Ladies pull out their hair in the name of vanity and fashion.
I pull my hair in the name of distraction and escapism.

Yet only my kind are labelled to have a problem...

It's fine to pluck your eyebrows into the standardised accepted shape, but any more than that and you have a problem....and god forbid one should get any pleasure from this action! It's supposed to be painful and unpleasant to wax and epilate, if you derive any pleasure from it you must have a problem!

So, the question I'd like to ask you is, who has the problem?
Me or society?

Once I can get past the guilt and shame forced on me from our society I quite enjoy pulling out my eyebrows and eyelashes. It takes me into my own world for a while, a world where I'm in control, I know what's goin on and the rhythmic pulling soothes me like a baby being rocked to sleep, and when I come back to this world I may indeed have less hair but ultimately no harm is done.

The harm begins when this world judges me for this, and makes me feel like I've done something sinister and wrong, like I have a big problem and I must start a battle with myself to stop this evil!

Everyone wants to escape sometimes. This world can wear you down.

Some people drink,
some people smoke,
some people party,
some people get lost in books,
some people play computer games,
some people clean their houses,
some people take illegal or legal drugs,
some people are consumed by football,
some people knit,
some people pull out their hair

Let's stop beating ourselves up about which one we happen to take on!